Simple Thoughts

As I had realized over these past 3 months of closely examining myself, many people do not really know the real me… hmm… let me count… perhaps, only… shoot, no… who the heck knows the real me? probably… 2 people in this whole world of… what… 8 billion people? What’s wrong with me? why doesn’t anyone know the real me? so darn annoying.

Other people.. hmm.. probably… my acquaintances plus my friends, or… no, I can’t call them friends, they do not know me! but neways, them… those acquaintances, as I shall call them, think they know me, but really, they do not, I have too many masks, this might be a result of me wanting to be an actress before… but whatever, those people do not even realize I am wearing a mask most of the time anyways, so… bleh…

I just want to say, just because I might be shy, innocent, and quiet in of them, this might not be the real me, its only a stupid mask, its a mask people call Stephanie Ng, but, it is not the real Stephanie Ng, sheesh, sometimes I think, one day, someone who looks like me could wear that mask, and everyone would think of that person as the real Stephanie Ng… it… ouch, it really hurts thinking like this, but this is true, in most people’s eyes, there is no significant identity of Stephanie Ng other than being quiet. on a lighter note, this is actually pretty funny, some assume that I am the type to ‘play’ in a relationship, while others think I am dead serious… hmm… 2 dead extremes… haha

See, here’s the problem, when you think like this… you are not my friend, but only my acquaint however, you think you are my friend, but… too bad, you aren’t… you see, my real friend would realize something special about me, my real friend would realize I am actually very talkative, Naive, mature, rebellious, I can joke, I can play (not playing relationships but really play as in ‘wan duk’) etc, (shoot, am I giving away too much of myself? lol)

I cannot say that this is the real me, because I do not have enough real friends or friends for that matter to tell me whether I am like this or not, but there’s a start.