Simple Thoughts

I realized that whenever I try to help others, I never get credit… its not that I do the stuff, so people could say “oh look how great Stephanie is” or “wow! Steph that was wonderful” but I am only human, there is a certain ’specialness’ I like to receive, something I ought to deserve, after all the effort and hard work I had put into that whatever thing I did, I am not greedy for people’s gratefulness, but at least, a little appreciation is not asking too much… am I?

I won’t mention any names here, nor would I mention real instances… I don’t want those people to feel bad… but ok …please reader, you be the judge of these situation,I hope you don’t classify me, as someone who wants to be put in a ‘poor me’ category, but… I want to know… did I do something wrong? all the stuff mentioned here are all facts, none of it was fabricated in the least way to gain favour towards me:

I know that I am not smart, I am not extremely good at anything, so usually I would try to make myself the most useful person by doing extra stuff, I would work harder than most people in a team project, I would try my best: at an event, I was not the planner, to make up for this, I tried to make myself as hardworking as much as possible, I would do my best (people around me, even notice this and really appreciate this) so, at this certain event, I prepared the meal (it was a banquet) cleaned all the dishes, put all the food into the refrigerator, cleaned all the food, blah blah blah the list does not end. since I was not in charge of cooking, I decided to prepare all the raw food so it would be convenient for our ‘chef’ to cook. In the end… the only ones who were fully appreciated were the person who brought the food and the chef. Others, the other people did not do anything, and they were blamed, somehow, I was one of those to be blamed, I do not know how exactly I ended up in that list… but…Am I asking for too much? do I really do nothing? why is my work never appreciated? Now I finally realize the reality of this statement: History is written by the winners. Once a winner, always a winner. and the most depressing part: Once a loser, always a loser. When I first heard about “History is written by the winners” in my grade 12 history class, I thought, hmm… can that be true? but now… I realize the truth.

I was doing this project, because people were busy, so I did 70% of the work, my friend, who was extremely nice offered a helping hand, so I gave the last 30% of stuff for her to do.

At the end, the project was extremely successful, our team captain, actually went to say a speech, thanking all for their hard work… and guess what? I did not get any appreciation whatsoever, but my friend did… at that moment, as he finished his speech, I was puzzled… what about me? where’s my bit of gratitude? or even at the very least appreciation? at the very moment, I did not know whether to cry, to just feel good that the project went well or what… I had mixed emotions~ I just do not understand… why don’t people ever appreciate what I do? it seems that everyone takes me for granted… a nobody.