Introvert
Just now, I received a message from one of my friends, she claimed that we shouldn’t talk so “hak Hei” or polite in English. It soon dawned on me, that that has how I have been since… since forever, I realized that I do not know HOW to be open towards others, and I blame this on those people who have always “hup” or bully me. Sometimes I just don’t understand why people have always bullied me as a child.
I thought as over and thought… is this my fault? or is it their’s? as soon as I try to figure this out… I wonder… what have I done wrong? what is it in me that has cause people to hate me so much? it was the same in all places: whether it was church, school, and even my own family! I find this so outrageous, what have I done? than I start blaming God, I ask God, why are you so unfair? why does it seem like everyone hates me so much? what have I done? I felt so sad, so I began so sob quietly.
When I had finally calmed down, I thought… those cousins… all those friends, I have done nothing to them, I had been such a pal, when they are in need, I would help them, when they cry, I would try to calm them down… but when it is my turn to face life’s crisis, they would all turn their backs on me… that might be understandable… but even times when I do not ask for their help… slowly they would move away from me.
It is not my fault I have become a introvert over the years, I have been hurt too many times… from the time I was 3 till now, I have been hurt too much, too bad… it is so hard to trust anyone cause I am so afraid I would get hurt again. I really try, I try to be close with people… but I cannot, I have been accustomed to not gain a real trust between others.
The only final question I have is… why? why me? why does it have to be me? *sob
4 comments March 9, 2007
