Simple Thoughts

While I was cleaning out my inbox (which I haven’t done quite in a while) I came across an email I received 2 years ago, in March. I feel sad for missing such a great show,
W-FIVE Presents…

‘Dumped’ – CTV explores the journey of a broken heart on May 14CTV explores the journey of a broken heart, a documentary that tells stories that will make you laugh, cringe and cry…

Everyone has heard or delivered lame “break-up lines”. On Saturday, May 14 at 7 p.m. ET (check local listings), CTV blends some horrible, hilarious and heart-wrenching stories with unforgettable break-up songs and hurtin’ lyrics in the new documentary Dumped. Viewers meet legendary bluesman B. B. King, country songwriter Bobby Braddock and Bret Michaels, from the band Poison and hear their stories about how bitter break-ups inspired the best songs. Anthropologists, bartenders, tattoo artists, a woman getting her wedding dress re-fitted as a cocktail dress – they’re all in Dumped, including “Break-Up Girl”, who comes to the rescue by offering insight into the fallout surrounding break-ups.

Dumped tells the story of several brokenhearted people and their heartwarming and often hilarious journey to make themselves whole again – all set to the greatest break-up songs of our time, including Love Stinks, Every Rose has it’s Thorn and a remake of Don’t Worry Baby recorded for the doc by Gord Downie.

Alex got dumped by his girlfriend and then went into his bedroom for three weeks and refused to leave – he lost 30 pounds and almost lost his mind too. Alex got out of his funk by playing Jason at the local haunted house, where he donned a blood-splattered hockey mask and leapt out of the shadows wielding a 12-inch knife. He explains that scaring the hell out of people cheered him up.

Kate is at home alone in her kitchen, with her cats, looking out the window and wondering why her boyfriend dumped her. Ultimately, Kate gets over this latest break-up by designing a new line of handbags called ‘Mr. Right’ because “unlike a man – a woman’s handbag is always at her side.”

Andrew got dumped by his girlfriend and then started watching High Fidelity every night in the company of a bottle of alcohol. Later, he decides to try ‘positive change hypnosis’ to expunge his ex from his mind. And then, with all of the “extra energy” he has from going on anti-depressants, he starts up his own glam rock band. Finally, he meets a new love.

Dumped tells break-up stories that make you laugh, cringe and cry. Falling in love is the most significant and meaningful experience that most people will ever have and yet most couples don’t stay in love – they break up and that’s when things can get a little messy. Getting dumped is a test – forcing us to go deep inside ourselves and come to grips with who we are and where life is taking us. Usually, with the passage of time, some good wine and good friends, most people survive these romantic skirmishes and indeed live to tell the tale.

If there are ways to ease pain, whining is definately one of them it is pretty useful, it allows me to release my emotions efficiently, well… no, I should clarify, whining helps me ease the pain a little, for me… that is.

so you ask… why did I decide to talk about whining? you probably noticed that in my recent entries… such as: introvert and getting credit. they sound an awful lot like whining, but they do not fix the problem.

Why do people think that putting people down is so cool? There are so many people, close… far (if that’s how you call an acquaintance)  where i am able to recall familiarly that a person would use cold language, violence, bad ‘mouthing’ others to make fun of others in order to gain peer’s and people around them’s acceptance and trust.

I find that  so annoying! I hate that, I just want them to just… I don’t know… disappear? What the heck? My mom keeps telling me that in Hong Kong I would face people who are rude and backstab others, but… has she been blind to the reality that it also happens in the USA? Canada? etc??? and to be honest, I felt it so many times in Toronto, it is just disgusting just thinking, remembering them.

I guess those… ‘bullies’ as I would call them don’t realize that by making fun of others, putting them down, backstabbing, etc, it makes themselves look immature, stupid, insecured, and utterly unloved. They might look cool in their ’social groups’ but for me, Stephanie Ng, they are nothing but a bunch of stupid people who cannot get popularity with their nothingless thus, they try to put down others to make themselves look better.

This discussion was led to me through Parthi’s Are brown parents against their child’s happiness? Sorry Parthi I always end up taking your ideas! didn’t mean to… but I guess you are more creative than me this is somewhat related, and somewhat not… since Parthi mentions about passion in his… ~ this is actually for you out there….

Ever since I was a child, my parents quite let me decide what to do, what to pursue, no matter how outrageous, which I am totally proud and happy to say. Unlike most of my Chinese friends, I was so called “pampered” I was not spoiled, oh no, not spoiled, just pampered. I could express what I thought how I liked when I liked just as long as I knew the discussion wouldn’t end up in a fight (such as moral issues) but besides these issues I am not able to express, I was basically in charged of my life. I guess just similar to Parthi’s White family, he wrote in his article. I think this was due to the fact that my mom’s parents gave her the freedom she needed, what courses she wanted to take, she was trained in an environment where, you were not allowed to spend money on clothes, jewelry, and anything they deemed useless, but was granted to all the ‘funds’ from my grandfather when she dealt with anything educational such as: books, any form of instrument playing, anything that actually taught you something. So, as a courtesy, she gave me the freedom to choose what I want, to live the life I want (as long as it didn’t fall into any wrong paths)

but going back to the real discussion, I firmly believe that all parents want to give their kids the best life. In Parthi’s Brown Parent’s case, they fear that he would choose a wrong career, which would prevent him from having a prosperous wealthy life in the future, and thus push him to choosing what they think would bring him a good life after school. So people, who have annoying pesky parents, please, I hope you realize that your parents do love you that way, cherish it!

Although in the near future, the white lady’s son would be happy, but let’s say… what if his desired job gets him no where? than… would he blame his mom for not warning him? or would he still say “Thank you mother, for letting me choose this path?”

either way… Parents I am sure, love you but I guess they just express it differently

I realized that whenever I try to help others, I never get credit… its not that I do the stuff, so people could say “oh look how great Stephanie is” or “wow! Steph that was wonderful” but I am only human, there is a certain ’specialness’ I like to receive, something I ought to deserve, after all the effort and hard work I had put into that whatever thing I did, I am not greedy for people’s gratefulness, but at least, a little appreciation is not asking too much… am I?

I won’t mention any names here, nor would I mention real instances… I don’t want those people to feel bad… but ok …please reader, you be the judge of these situation,I hope you don’t classify me, as someone who wants to be put in a ‘poor me’ category, but… I want to know… did I do something wrong? all the stuff mentioned here are all facts, none of it was fabricated in the least way to gain favour towards me:

I know that I am not smart, I am not extremely good at anything, so usually I would try to make myself the most useful person by doing extra stuff, I would work harder than most people in a team project, I would try my best: at an event, I was not the planner, to make up for this, I tried to make myself as hardworking as much as possible, I would do my best (people around me, even notice this and really appreciate this) so, at this certain event, I prepared the meal (it was a banquet) cleaned all the dishes, put all the food into the refrigerator, cleaned all the food, blah blah blah the list does not end. since I was not in charge of cooking, I decided to prepare all the raw food so it would be convenient for our ‘chef’ to cook. In the end… the only ones who were fully appreciated were the person who brought the food and the chef. Others, the other people did not do anything, and they were blamed, somehow, I was one of those to be blamed, I do not know how exactly I ended up in that list… but…Am I asking for too much? do I really do nothing? why is my work never appreciated? Now I finally realize the reality of this statement: History is written by the winners. Once a winner, always a winner. and the most depressing part: Once a loser, always a loser. When I first heard about “History is written by the winners” in my grade 12 history class, I thought, hmm… can that be true? but now… I realize the truth.

I was doing this project, because people were busy, so I did 70% of the work, my friend, who was extremely nice offered a helping hand, so I gave the last 30% of stuff for her to do.

At the end, the project was extremely successful, our team captain, actually went to say a speech, thanking all for their hard work… and guess what? I did not get any appreciation whatsoever, but my friend did… at that moment, as he finished his speech, I was puzzled… what about me? where’s my bit of gratitude? or even at the very least appreciation? at the very moment, I did not know whether to cry, to just feel good that the project went well or what… I had mixed emotions~ I just do not understand… why don’t people ever appreciate what I do? it seems that everyone takes me for granted… a nobody.

(did this in a hurry, don’ t know if its accurate)

You are attracted to those who have a split personality – cold as ice on the outside but hot as fire in the heart.

In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored.

You’d like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please.

Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future… one you can grow with.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something that will confine you. You are afraid of marriage.

In this moment, you think of love as something you can get or discard anytime. You’re feeling self centered.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?
http://www.blogthings.com/keystoyourheartquiz/

Just now, I received a message from one of my friends, she claimed that we shouldn’t talk so “hak Hei” or polite in English. It soon dawned on me, that that has how I have been since… since forever, I realized that I do not know HOW to be open towards others, and I blame this on those people who have always “hup” or bully me. Sometimes I just don’t understand why people have always bullied me as a child.

I thought as over and thought… is this my fault? or is it their’s? as soon as I try to figure this out… I wonder… what have I done wrong? what is it in me that has cause people to hate me so much? it was the same in all places: whether it was church, school, and even my own family! I find this so outrageous, what have I done? than I start blaming God, I ask God, why are you so unfair? why does it seem like everyone hates me so much? what have I done? I felt so sad, so I began so sob quietly.

When I had finally calmed down, I thought… those cousins… all those friends, I have done nothing to them, I had been such a pal, when they are in need, I would help them, when they cry, I would try to calm them down… but when it is my turn to face life’s crisis, they would all turn their backs on me… that might be understandable… but even times when I do not ask for their help… slowly they would move away from me.

It is not my fault I have become a introvert over the years, I have been hurt too many times… from the time I was 3 till now, I have been hurt too much, too bad… it is so hard to trust anyone cause I am so afraid I would get hurt again.  I really try, I try to be close with people… but I cannot, I have been accustomed to not gain a real trust between others.

The only final question I have is… why? why me? why does it have to be me? *sob

Before I got this wordpress space/blog/journal call it whatever you like. I had my xanga, I could say, during those times, I felt myself writing for a audience, so that they would appreciate me, so that they would think of my worthy. Before, I wrote in hopes people would comment and give me eprops, so that I would be able to show others HOW popular I am. I would hestitate to write a new entry in hopes that people would comment on my current entry so I would “have a comment”

Now, I just write for those who take the time to visit my wordpress. for those worthy, or not. For those who care about what I think, for those who have something to say.

“I write because I feel like it. I write what I want, when I want to, how I want to, why I like to”

Although as much freedom I allow myself to, I get tangled up in a web: as much as I do not care about what other think: I actually do. if you read my stuff from my xanga and things from my wordpress you would realize that stuff from my xanga are much ‘personal’ and the language I use is much informal and friendly. While the stuff on my wordpress is more formal and seemingly cold and I do not have the same type of ‘bondage’ (as I call it).

Sigh~