Simple Thoughts

so yes, apologies to all who are faithful readers of this blog, my deep condolences towards those who make an effort every time to come to by blog and only to discover that I had yet again not updated again.

a few days ago, I was speaking to a friend concerning readers for blog entries… he asked where I update most of my blogs… and I told him, my xanga and wordpress…

he stared blankly at me and said “Xanga? no one uses that anymore… most probably people don’t update it nor would they read from it anymore”

my response: if those “people” (as you call them readers) do care (as a friend), shouldn’t they make the smallest effort to at least come and check especially when they are acknowledged that the author updates that “medium of blog” regardless of whether it is “not the latest blog server”? I just find it so ridiculous ><

For most of my life, I have viewed the future as bright, promising, basically optimistic views… however, within this past month, I have discovered it being more foggy and unclear.

questions I am concerned about that constantly linger in my mind:

-Where do I go to after I graduate?

-as I discovered more and more schools are offering graduate options for my major, I am confused whether I should go to grad school, if I should, which one? everything seems so far…
-it seems for most grad schools, they are more concentrated on the political and economy side, but I’m culture and communications…
-if not grad school, than work… where should I work? Hong Kong? Canada? USA?… just so confused
-if I do work… which sector? New Media or International Studies? (there seems to be a lot of New Media opportunities but I’m more interested in International Studies…)

so annoying >< and extremely frustrating ><

Stolen from Linna.
[01] I have read a lot of books.
[ ] I have been on some sort of varsity team.
[ ] I have run more than 2 miles without stopping.
[02] I have been to Canada.
[ ] I have been to Europe.
[03] I have watched cartoons for hours.
[04] I have tripped UP the stairs.
[05] I have fallen down an entire flight of stairs.
[06] I have been snowboarding/skiing.
[07] I have played ping pong.
[08] I swam in the ocean.
[ ] I have been on a whale watch.
[09] I have seen fireworks.
[ ] I have seen a shooting star.
[ ] I have seen a meteor shower.
[ ] I have almost drowned.
[11] I have been so embarrassed I wanted to disappear.
[12] I have listened to one CD over & over & over again.
[ ] I have had stitches.
[ ] I have had frostbite.
[ ] I have licked a frozen pole and got stuck there.
[13] I have stayed up til 2 doing homework/projects. (if its normal sleeping time does it still count? XD)
[ ] I currently have a job.
[14] I have been ice skating.
[15] I have been rollerblading.
[16] I have fallen flat on my face.
[17] I have tripped over my own two feet.
[18] I have been in a fist fight.
[19] I have played videogames for more than 3 hours straight. (accompanying my cousin ^^)
[20] I have watched the power rangers.
[21] I have attended Church regularly.
[22] I have played truth or dare.
[23] I’ve called someone stupid. And meant it.
[24] I’ve been in a verbal argument.
[25] I’ve cried in school.
[26] I’ve played basketball on a team.
[27] I’ve played baseball on a team.
[ ] I’ve played football on a team.
[28] I’ve played soccer on a team.
[ ] I’ve done cheerleading on a team.
[ ] I’ve played softball on a team.
[29] I’ve played volleyball on a team.
[ ] I’ve played tennis on a team.
[30] I’ve been on a track or cross country team.
[31] I’ve been swimming more than 20 times in my life.
[ ] I’ve bungee jumped.
[32] I’ve climbed a rock wall.
[ ] I’ve lost more than $20.
[33] I’ve called myself an idiot.
[34] I’ve called someone else an idiot.
[35] I’ve cried myself to sleep.
[36] I’ve had (or have) pets.
[37] I’ve owned a spice girls CD.
[38]I’ve owned a britney spears CD.
[39] I’ve owned an N*Sync CD.
[40] I’ve owned a backstreet boys CD
[ ] I’ve mooned someone.
[ ] I’ve sworn at someone in authority. (does talking back count…?)
[ ] I’ve been in the newspaper.
[ ] I’ve been on TV.
[ ] I’ve been to Hawaii.
[41] I’ve eaten sushi.
[42] I’ve been on the other side of a waterfall.
[ ] I’ve watched all of the Lord of the Rings movies.
[43] I’ve watched all the Harry Potter movies.
[ ] I’ve watched all of the Rocky movies.
[44] I’ve watched the 3 stooges.
[ ] I’ve watched “Newlyweds” Nick & Jessica.
[45] I’ve watched Looney Tunes.
[ ] I’ve been stuffed into a locker/I have stuffed others into lockers.
[44] I’ve been called a geek.
[45] I’ve studied hard for a test and got a bad grade. (Bad as in Asian-bad?)
[46] I’ve not studied at all for a test and aced it.
[47] I’ve hugged my mom within the past 24 hrs.
[ ] I’ve hugged my dad within the past 24 hours.
[48] Ive met a celebrity/music artist.
[49] I ‘ve written poetry.
[ ] I’ve been arrested.
[50] I’ve been attracted to someone much older than me.
[51] I’ve been tickled till I’ve cried.
[52] I’ve tickled someone else until they cried.
[ ] I’ve had/have siblings.(wish!!)
[ ] I’ve been to a rock concert.
[53] I’ve listened to classical music and enjoyed it.
[54] I’ve been in a play.
[ ] I’ve been picked last in gym class.
[55] I’ve been picked first in gym class.
[56] I’ve cried in front of my friends.
[57] I’ve read a book longer than 1,000 pages.
[ ] I’ve played Halo 2.
[ ] I’ve freaked out over a sports game.
[58] I’ve been to Alaska. (being in the airport counts right…? XD)
[59] I’ve been to China.
[ ] I’ve been to Spain.
[60] I’ve been to Japan.
[61] I’ve had a fight with someone on AIM
[62] I’ve had a fight with someone face-to-face.
[63] I’ve had serious conversations on any IM.
[64] I’ve forgiven someone who has done something wrong to me.
[65] I’ve been forgiven.
[ ] I’ve screamed at a scary movie.
[66] I’ve cried at a chick flick.
[67] I’ve watched a lot of action movies.
[68] I’ve screamed at the top of my lungs.
[ ] I’ve been to a rap concert.
[ ] I’ve been to a hip hop concert.
[69] I’ve lived in more than 2 houses.
[ ] I’ve driven on the highway.
[ ] I’ve driven more than 40 miles in a day.
[ ] I’ve been in a car accident.
[70] I’ve been homesick.
[71] I’ve thrown up
[ ] I’ve puked on someone.
[ ] I’ve been horseback riding. (I’ve been on a pony a few times)
[ ] I’ve filled out more than 10 myspace surveys.
[72] I’ve spoken my mind in public.
[73] I’ve proved someone wrong.
[74] I’ve been proven wrong by someone.
[ ] I’ve broken a leg.
[75] I’ve broken an arm.
[ ] I’ve fallen off a swing.
[76] I’ve swung on a swing for more than 30 mins straight
[77] I’ve watched Winnie the Pooh movies.
[ ] I’ve forgotten my backpack when I’ve gone to school.
[ ] I’ve lost my backpack.
[78] I’ve come close to dying. (2 times actually… but that was when I was a baby)
[ ] I’ve seen someone die.
[79] I’ve known someone who has died.
[80] I’ve wanted to be an actor/actress at some point.
[ ] I’ve done modeling. (almost!! but got canceled last minute T_T)
[81] I’ve forgotten to brush my teeth some mornings.
[82] I’ve taken something/someone for granted.
[83] I’ve realized how good my life is.
[84] I’ve counted my blessings.
[85] I’ve made fun of a classmate.
[86] Ive been asked out by someone and I said no.
[ ] I’ve slapped someone in the face.
[ ] I’ve been skateboarding.
[87] I’ve been backstabbed by someone I thought was a friend. (too many times T__T)
[88] I’ve lied to someone to their face.
[89] I’ve told a little white lie.
[ ] I’ve taken a day off from school just so I don’t go insane.
[90] I’ve fainted (according to my mom, but I can’t remember it since I was only 1 years old)
[91] I’ve had an argument with someone about whether CHEERLEADING IS a SPORT or not.
[ ] I’ve pushed someone into a pool.
[ ] I’ve been pushed into a pool. (do swimming instructors count??)
[92] I’ve been/are in love or have liked someone with a great passion.
“I have lived through 92 of these 155 things.”

reflection to follow later~

just came across the definition of perfect: entirely without any flaws, defects, or shortcomings: a perfect apple; the perfect crime.
notice the second example: the perfect crime, is it just me? I find this ironic HAHA

sorry, its probably stupid, but just felt like posting this

the greatest irony of love:
loving the right person at the wrong time,
having the wrong person when the time is right
and finding out you love someone
right after that person walks out of your life.
and sometimes, you think you’re already over a person,
but when you see them smile at you,
you’ll suddenly realize that you’re just pretending to be over them
just to ease the pain of knowing that they will never be yours again.
for some, they think that letting go
is one way of expressing how much you love the person..
in my opinion, some are afraid to see the one they love
being held by someone else.
most relationships tend to fail
not because the absence of love.
love is always present.
it’s just that one was being loved too much
and the other was being loved too little.
as we all know that the heart is the center of the body
but it beats on the left.
maybe that’s the reason why the heart is not always right.
most often, we fall in love with the person we think we love
but to only discover that for them,
we are just for past times.
while the one who truly loves us
remains either a friend or a stranger.
so here’s a piece of advice:
let go when you’re hurting too much.
give up when love isn’t enough,
and move on when things are not like before.
for sure, there is someone out there who will love you even more.

found the above in an old forward email… when I first read it in grade 9, I thought this was a bit ridiculous, but after so many years of seeing so many love (not experience) and crushs, I do agree with this statement. I think it is rather hard to comment on it just because it is so true.

Just remembered a conversation with Sophie about 4-5 years ago

Steph: Sigh~ this is so disappointing, why is _____ like this?

Sophie: aww poor Steph

Steph: When I first met him/her s/he was so nice… but now…

Sophie: a person is like a painting, the closer you are with them, the more defects you see, that is normal.

Some days, it’s nice to open up old emails and read them.  It brings out the happy feelings that you’ve felt during those times even if you’ve forgotten them.  I also recall a lot of promises, and wonder if they continue to hold true now and in the future…or forever?  I had the urge to delete them all, every single one of them because they remind me of the huge contrast between then and now, of course how much worse the situation is now.  I should delete the emails, delete all the content within….delete the promises I don’t deserve~